Monday, June 18, 2012

A Week Later.

Yes it has been a week since I got fired from my job, and yes the whole situation still sucks for a number of reasons. So I was bummed for most of the day, but I still did quite a bit of job hunting and I spruced up my resume and other papers for potential job submission. I must admit that I feel very ambivalent about entering the job market again after being employed in one place for so long, but the show must go on. I have been writing a lot on my blogs lately since I have had the extra time, but today I really don't feel like writing much, and what I truly feel like would be inappropriate to write on here. Ever since I got fired for what I was writing on this blog, I have found myself analyzing every possible thing wondering if what I write next could get me in some form of trouble. I wonder if the person who complained to the company about what I was writing continues to read and to look for other reasons to incite trouble against me. When life sucks, you have a lot of time on your hands, you tend to wonder a least I do. A part of me is curious about what I should or shouldn't write on this blog, since I was apparently wrong with my discretion in that regard. I miss my former clients and co-workers, yet I am also wondering what many of them are thinking of me; do they consider if I abandoned them (in regard to the kids) since I didn't even get to say goodbye, or do some of my former co-workers think ill of me because of what they heard that I did? These are some of things that are going through my head while also trying to figure out my current lack of employment situation. I guess there will be some bad days until I get through it all and get another job, but even then I think it will take a good amount of time to get rid of the black hole left in my heart from being torn away from the professionally healthy relationships that I formed with my previous clients. Grief and loss sucks because there is no set timetable; we all get over such things at different paces, different ways, and it takes different amounts of time. I really hope that tomorrow is better, although I did get around to doing some writing today, not as much as I  was hoping for but still I tried. After watching week 3 of In Treatment I had a very good conversation with my mother about some of the issues I had been dealing with and at the end of our conversation I inquired as to much I owed her, and called her doctor. She laughed, but really shed some light on a few things and listened well just like a therapist. Perhaps that is exactly what I needed, and look at everything that I wrote despite not feeling like writing a lot. I guess it just comes out as it does regardless of my supposed disposition. Have a good night and excellent day everyone.

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